This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
