Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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