I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
