my mouth tastes like poor choices
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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