so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
