I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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