also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize