I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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