My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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