There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
