he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
