do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
