i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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