I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
