haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
