The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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