You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
