I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
