I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
