if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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