honey bunches of taint.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
