hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Mom said you looked used
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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