a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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