his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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