I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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