By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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