If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
