two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
