my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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