Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
