its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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