I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
