remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
