If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
