eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
