She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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