So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
