Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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