i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
