K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
