girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
