we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
