We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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