you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
