apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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