Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
