remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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