you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
