I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
