I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
