The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
