My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She made me pour olive oil on her.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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