I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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