Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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