last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
