you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
