just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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