Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
