Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
