College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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