They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
