I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize