The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
