If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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