So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
