I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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