She said her name was "party"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
