chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize