and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
