I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
